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How To Split The Bill, Without Losing Friends

Few things will halt a lively dinner conversation like the question, "Should we split the check?"

In 2018, your table manners are a far less pressing matter of etiquette than how you pay for your meal. For some, dividing a check by individual order — down to the dollar — is both nit-picky and cheap. Others find it reckless and selfish to expect that your friends cover the cost of your food (and that second martini). Your waiter probably would prefer you all throw down cash, and leave your six separate credit cards out of it.

In the end, there is no right way to split the check.

Unless you run in a conveniently-sourced circle of socialites and pseudo-celebrities, odds are there's an income disparity amongst your friends. You earn different salaries, you pay different rent fees, you come from different families. And no matter how much you all enjoy the act of gathering around a table and consuming food together, that doesn't solve the looming problem of the bill.

To make matters worse, the anxiety derived from wealth gaps amongst friends doesn't end with dinner payment. According to a study in the Quarterly Journal of Economics, "How much you feel you earn in comparison to others is more important in determining self-esteem than what you actually earn" — which goes to say that the income diversity within your social circle may actually be taking a serious toll on your self-image.

Does this mean you should ditch your friends with mansions in the Hamptons in an effort to surround yourself with people exclusively within the same income bracket as you? Absolutely not.

There are, however, tactical steps that can be taken.

For starters, you should begin navigating this discrepancy with candid, open conversation. Don't let money be the elephant in the room. According to the Huffington Post, "Outings are about compromise, and any good plan will incorporate input from both parties." There will always be a middle ground in terms of which restaurant you select, or which AirBnB you choose. Starting a conversation means you can find that in-between space.

For the wealthier parties in this equation, navigating these disparities is just as awkward as it is for those with less "money to blow," so to speak. "It's a delicate dance so that you're not going overboard in showing how wealthy and comfortable you are," says etiquette coach Thomas Farley. "But also not going so far in the other direction, so that the person feels like, 'What? You don't think I'm good enough to go to a fancy restaurant?'"

He suggests that you try to make up for the difference without being over-charitable, by paying the tip on a split check, supplying the food for a weekend away, or covering a shared Uber.

On the other end of the spectrum, folks who are trying their absolute hardest to save a few pennies can rely on telling questions, without having to come right out and say "I sure as hell can't afford that." Town & Country recommends asking things like,"'Would it be weird if I just met you after the concert for a drink?' or 'Is there anyone else going to Nantucket that weekend who might want to share a hotel room?'"

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly of all, be sure to keep in mind the fact that your friends are your friends for a reason and this likely has nothing to do with income. "You probably have more in common with your rich friends than you think; you did, after all, become friends in the first place," says Huffington Post.

So be honest about your finances, but don't let wealth become central to your relationships. Odds are, the people you surround yourself with have far better qualities than a six-figure salary.

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How to Have a Frugal Fall

When the leaves start changing colors and pumpkin spice is everywhere, you know fall is here.

As temperatures drop and sweater weather gets into full swing, you know the holidays aren't too far behind. Before you start panicking about how you'll afford everything on your loved ones wish lists, consider these five ways to have a frugal fall.

1. Watch for Fall Sales

Although back-to-school and Black Friday sales get most of the attention, there are other great times to shop during the fall. To avoid that December 23rd panic shop, it's a good idea to start thinking about holiday shopping early. With fall sales, you can get a head start on crossing names off your gift list. Lisa Koivu recommends shopping the week before and after Halloween to snag some deals. You may also want to pay attention to sales on Veterans Day, Small Business Saturday, and Cyber Monday.

2. Cook With Seasonal Produce

If you want to save for the holidays, cut the number of meals eaten out and cook at home. Fall is the perfect time to cook with seasonal produce (which tends to be more affordable) such as acorn squash or mushrooms. Check out a list of seasonal vegetables and fruits that you can find during autumn, and get creative! To save even more money, search for free recipes online and look for ones that require ingredients already in your fridge. You could try getting started with these delicious squash bowls!

3. Max Out Your Flexible Spending Accounts

If you have flexible spending accounts, fall is the perfect time to start maxing them out. It's better to start doing this early because the holidays can get busy and make it difficult to remember. There are several types of flexible spending accounts (FSAs), such as health care or dependent care FSAs. These accounts allow you to put aside a certain amount of money to cover costs like copayments or prescription medications. However, you must use the money before the end of the year or you lose it, so fall is a great time to take advantage of FSAs.

4. Make Your Home Ready for Winter

Don't wait until the temperature falls below zero to start caulking drafty windows, start getting your home ready for the winter now. Check your insulation, doors, and windows, so that you can seal cracks and drafts. Give your furnace a tune-up by starting with an inspection and a clean. Another important task autumn task is to reverse ceiling fans, so they run clockwise and push the heated air down.

5. Clean Out the Closets

Consider cleaning out your closets in the fall. It's good preparation for rotating in your winter wardrobe, and it will give you a chance to see what you have, and what you still might need. You'll likely discover some clothes that you can donate, trade, or sell. Look for local clothing swaps or put items up for sale on eBay to make a little extra cash.

When you think of fall, you may start dreaming about caramel apples and leftover Halloween candy, but it's also the perfect season to start living frugally before holiday spending starts.

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We Should All Be Talking About Our Salaries

Asking a co-worker how much she makes is a little like asking an acquaintance how much she weighs: invasive, rude, borderline inappropriate.

With age, size, and even relationship-status, we're raised with a polite inclination towards privacy. These discrete facts, though intimately tied up in our notions of identity and personal value, carry a certain taboo. It is ill-mannered to inquire, and crude to share openly.

That lack of transparency, however, has become a source of drastic inequality in the workplace. How do we advocate for ourselves if we're ignorant to the context we're navigating? "There are direct, concrete consequences for falling victim to salary secrecy," the New York Times reported, "including wage suppression and a lack of transparency around pay inequity, which disproportionately affects women and minorities."

Our reluctance to make public our financial value keeps us from professional leveraging. It pushes us to graciously accept whatever sum an employer doles out, no questions asked. Outside of the work place, a whopping 43% of Americans have neglected to share how much they make with their spouse, according to data from Fidelity Investments. Forget coworkers, American's are hesitant to share their salary even with their life partner.

Lynda.com

It took me well over a year to learn that I was not making enough money working as a staff writer on a team of men with identical titles and reliably comparable work loads. I accepted my first offer. I was grateful for any first offer. It was my ignorant assumption that each of our salaries was in direct proportion to the work we'd been doing; an assumption I now know to be both naive and false (for the sake of sharing, that number was 50K). I only developed the nerve to ask while organizing onboarding documents for new hires — all of whom would earn a starting salary higher than my current one. I hadn't thought to negotiate, and I hadn't realized that everyone else had.

By no stretch is salary secrecy professionally enforced — the National Labor Relations Act deems it illegal for employers to bar any private sector employees from communicating openly about their salaries. But the reluctance to do so seems to come from a more deeply rooted social order — an adherence to decorum — than it does any legitimate code. Women continue to make an average of 80 cents to every dollar a man makes, and an unwillingness to communicate about money, and thus a hesitancy to demand higher wages from employers, helps to keep that norm in place. In fact, according to a recent Harvard study, women are drastically less likely to negotiate salaries at all. There remains a collective belief that the first offer is good enough.

Gender aside, it's time we all talked about our salaries. Transparency is our democratic weapon — it's how we guarantee we earn what we deserve. It's our means of mutual support for one another.

Start at the dinner table. Ask your friends over drinks. Ask your colleagues over coffee. Share your own finances and create a space for that brand of communication. Listen to podcasts, read columns from contemporary economists, find a vocabulary that makes you comfortable. Only with transparency can we strip salary-talk of its antiquated stigma.

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