You swear you are barely spending money, but somehow at the end of the month you have nothing to spare and possibly some damage to the credit score.
It seems simple to "cut back," but many people refuse to actually cut out most of their unnecessary spending, not for lack of common sense, but out of fear that their social lives will suffer. Our fear of loneliness means we don't want to be left out, but don't fall for the myth that socializing is "supposed to" cost money. Your finances can take an especially hard hit if your circle of friends include people with higher incomes than you.
These changes to your social life can save you hundreds of dollars from monthly expenses.
A Simple Night Out: Three obvious ways friends of varying ages and genders like to socialize would be to, "grab a drink", "grab a bite", or "see a show". Lets pick the seemingly cheapest of these options, 'grab a drink'. Friend A, lets call him Alan, is on a budget and thinks he is saving money by suggesting "just a drink." Friend B, lets call him Bryan, is not worried about money and is completely unaware that Alan is trying to save money. In addition, Alan didn't mention it because come on, it's completely unrealistic not to be able to afford to "grab a drink" right? Pay attention to the word "grab," it insinuates casual, low key, with cost-saving potential. Bryan suggests "a little hole in the wall" in a "chill" neighborhood. Alan is excited because it sounds like a cheep night, and he gets to see his friend.
Fast forward three hours, and Bryan's "hole in the wall" is a boutique whiskey lounge and the "low key" drink options range from $14-$17 and there is no way Alan can have just one drink if his friend has thrown back three already. So Alan starts the night $30 in the hole and now Alan and Bryan are both hungry, are out on the town surrounded by takeout options raging from $8-$18 and likely need to pay some amount to get home ranging from $3-$25 depending on mode of transport. Before he knows it, Alan's cheep night has turned into at least a $45 night and likely more like a $65 night. Lets say he only finds himself in this situation once or twice a week. That's a minimum of $180 a month and say max of $520. That could cost Alan anywhere from $2100-$6200 a year.
Low Key Nuptial Celebrations: This is likely inevitable. Your friend invites you to a bachelor/ette party. It's a good friend and you can't possibly say no. That would be "so rude". You were hoping to save some money this month but your friends assured you this is a "wicked cheep weekend". (Ok, just your friend from Boston said that). You are immediately stressed by the invite, but you don't even consider not going. You assure yourself you will do it "on the cheep." You book the cheapest airplane ticket you can find ($299), rent the cheapest room you can find ($87/night and you are only paying for one of the nights), and take a Lyft Ride Share from the airport ($15).
You chip in for beer and Pizza ($40) the first night, move on to a dive bar for "cheep" late night drinks ($20), grab a "cheep brunch" at a greasy spoon the next day ($22) and on your last night get some street tacos and beers ($15). Before you know it, you're taking another Lyft Share back the airport ($15) and are back home eating ramen, with over $500 on the credit card and that doesn't even include the upcoming wedding. How many bachelor parties, weddings, showers, elaborate birthday parties, ect do we attend each year? 2, 6, 10? And not all of them are on the cheep. That's anywhere from $1000-$4,000 annually and could of course be much much more.
A Simple night in: You plan a cheep night in, friends coming over to watch a game or movie, or whatever. You think that the night is basically going to be free, but realize you should probably get some pizza or takeout for your friends ($25) and some wine or beer ($20). You spend about $45. If you only do this once a month, that's around $540 a year. Twice a month, that's $1080.
Quick Lunch Out: You have been packing your lunch most of the week, but you are exhausted and you are meeting a friend for lunch out. She requests sushi, you rationalize that lunchtime sushi should be cheep. Your personal total comes to $28. If you eat out like this once a week, runs about $1,300 a year. Twice a week would be over $2600.
Just Coffee: You friend at work suggests you get out of the office for a late morning coffee. You love late morning coffee and you have been staying in, cooking meals, the least you can do is grab a coffee and get some air. You "snag" a latte for $4.50. If you buy coffee out just three times a week, it will run you about $576 a year. Do this once a day, and it will run you over $1300/year.
Adult Birthday Parties: You know how this goes. You are invited to go to dinner to celebrate your friend's birthday. You don't know most of her other friends, but you don't want to be rude and say no. You found her something at a thrift store months ago, it was only $7 but you know she will love it. Birthday present is taken care of, and you write a really nice card. You plan ahead of time to not order allot, you even have some string cheese and wine at your apartment before you go. You get to the dinner, order one drink and a salad, about $18, plus the $7 birthday present, so your total cost that night, $28 with tip, or so you think. You finish your drink and just sip on water as you watch her friends order several more rounds of "tinis" and "ritas'. You are shocked that they are able to pay for multiple rounds of $14 drinks, but whatever. You know what happens next. Yup, your friend heads to the bathroom and all the other well-imbibed guests total the bill, divide by 9 and BOOM, you are struck with a $65 "chip in". Do this once a month, $780 a year.
I just identified $7000-$15,000 a year in social costs…and I was being reasonable. We all know this number could be close to $20k if not more.
You get my point. I also hear you screaming, SO AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE A LIFE!? 'You Are! You Are!' I shout back! BUT, you are not supposed to be able to afford everything the people you hang out with can afford. You are also not supposed to value the same things your friend's value.
That's the problem with middle class culture and spending habits. I haven't even touched on the overpriced apartments we rent, our clothing budgets, and our desire to travel far for "real experiences." I want to enjoy my money and I want you to as well, but I also loath the idea of spending money simply to adhere to social norms I don't actually value. I don't believe one should acquire debt for the sake of friendship. I don't think one should be guilted into a "fiscal norm."
I also question the depth of our friendships, if they require so much spending. So many of these costly events don't actually leave me feeling close and intimately connected to my friends. We often set out to fulfill our basic human need for social interaction and closeness, and instead are left feeling disconnected, not wealthy enough, and in debt.
Let me tell you a few examples of what I have said 'No Thank You' to recently:
1. No, I can't be in your wedding or attend your bachelorette ($300-$2500)
2. No I can't make your Birthday dinner ($50-$80)
3. No, I wont be able to meet you in NYC that weekend ($120-$800)
4. No, I can't meet for lunch ($12-$30)
5. No, I can't attend your fundraiser gala ($75-$600)
Let me tell you a few examples of what I have offered to do:
1.Would you like to stay with me when you are in town and catch up? ($Free)
2.Would you like to meet for a late morning hike? ($Free)
3.Can I take you to lunch for your birthday? ($35)
4.I have to do some grocery shopping, want to come along, we can tackle your list too? ($Free- Already in budget)
5.Would you like to cook together/Brew Beer and split the cost? ($Free- Already in Budget)
6.I already donate online to causes I really care about, but would be happy to share your fundraiser info with my friends ($Free)
7.Want to come watch a movie/eat popcorn/drink wine at my house? ($0-$12)
8.Want to meet at the gym and catch up on the treadmills? ($Free)
And before you tell me that those ideas are boring/silly/unrealistic, I am here to tell you that I have done every single one of them, and most of them a million times… but only with my REAL FRIENDS. And I promise you I have REAL friends. The kinds of friends that I don't have to get dressed up to see, the kinds of friends that I can cry in front of, or share my deepest darkest shit, and the kinds of friends who have tried on pants, at Cosco ,while I created a makeshift dressing room out of beach towels and tried not to pee my pants out of laughter. My cup runneth over with REAL FRIENDS.
There is nothing that makes a human feel closer to another human, than tackling the humanity of "just being" together. We can stop believing that the only way to find value in an experience is to pay for it. We can stop spending the money that we don't have and start spending time on the real friendships that we do have.
By Rachel Hall, Rachel has a Masters in Cultural Gender Studies, and a BA in Communication & Culture, is a Certified Life Coach, and can often be found hiding in her laundry room from her two children. More about her on her website.
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The tech industry's having a tough time. Only months ago, those who were bragging about their hot tech jobs and (seemingly) hyper-performing Crypto portfolios are probably screaming, crying, gnashing their teeth, and throwing up. And they may or may not be unemployed.
First, the recession is obliterating the stock market as we speak. Then, the summer Crypto proved the “decentralized marketplace” isn’t as impervious as Crypto nerds claimed. And now, the entire tech industry is facing a serious reckoning. It’s meltdown season — and Mercury isn’t even in retrograde.
First, Elon Musk bought Twitter. He subsequently fired a staggering number of employees. He then instituted Twitter Blue, a verification subscription which was a spectacular FAILURE. Most notably, causing the stock price of every significant insulin company to plummet by BILLIONS. It’s a long story, but the takeaway: the best $8 some random Twitter user ever spent.
Meanwhile, major tech companies like Meta, Salesforce, Redfin — and more — have been laying off thousands of employees. Wave after wave of layoffs are tearing through the entire tech sector, leaving thousands bamboozled and bereft. And this — alllll this — is happening while Jeff Bezos is giving away his money to Dolly Parton. I love her, but she has a theme park. These people don’t have jobs!
But this is nothing compared to the drama going on at former-Crypto giant FTX. And somehow, Tom Brady and Gisele are implicated!?! First, the divorce, now this.
Here’s a simplified version of events — and you don’t even need to understand crypto to follow along.
The Super Bowl: The true origins can be traced back to the Super Bowl, where much ad time was devoted to emergent crypto companies vying for the attention of potential investors. Among them: FTX.
January 2022: FTX was valued at an estimated $32 billion. They even had an NBA stadium named after them in Miami. But most prominently, their now infamous Super Bowl ad starring Larry David, who had never appeared in a commercial before. Just imagine that shoot. You should’ve stuck to your guns, Larry.
Don't Miss Out on Crypto: Larry David FTX Commercial www.youtube.com
Nov 2: The real drama started — as it always does — with some shady trades. CoinDesk published a report that exposed that Alameda Research – owned by the same people as FTX – had bought a ton of FTT … FTX’s cryptocurrency.
Nov 6: In a Tweet, the founder of Binance — one of FTX’s biggest competitors — said their company was going to dump their FTX tokens "due to recent revelations that have came to light." Investors panicked and followed suit. And so began the FTT price plummet.
But with all their investors cashing in their coins, FTX was on the hook for all that money — which it could not afford to pay out. This is when things started to look really hairy.
Nov 8: With their tails between their legs, FTX went to Binance for an out. Binance agreed to acquire FTX.
Nov 9: Just kidding! Whatever was in those docs must have scared off Binance because they pulled out of the deal just a day later. Does this feel like an episode of Succession to you, too?
Nov. 11: FTX had no way to repay all this money. And any potential buys were not going anywhere near this dumpster fire. So FTX was forced to file for bankruptcy. 30-year-old CEO and founder Sam Bankman-Fried resigned.
He tweeted that he was “really sorry,” though! SO maybe that counts for something. Cue the world’s tiniest violin playing in the background.
\u201cFun fact:\n\nIf you spent $1,000 shorting the 2022 Super Bowl advertisers, you'd be a billionaire today:\n\n\u25ab\ufe0f FTX\n\u25ab\ufe0f Carvana\n\u25ab\ufe0f DraftKings\n\u25ab\ufe0f Uber Eats\n\u25ab\ufe0f Meta Oculus\n\u25ab\ufe0f Rocket Mortgage\n\u25ab\ufe0f Coinbase\n\u25ab\ufe0f Vroom\n\u25ab\ufe0f Salesforce\n\u25ab\ufe0f GM\u201d— Chris Bakke (@Chris Bakke) 1667931782
But there’s more!
Later that day, reports emerged that FTX transferred $10 BILLION to Alameda — the same sister company mentioned above. That’s right, the one that started this mess — sparking controversy about how much access top leaders had to the company's finances.
Nov 13: Where’s the money? New reports reveal that those BILLIONS of dollars had just … disappeared?
Nov 14: Now the cops are involved. Where the hell is the money, man? Regulators are trying to get to the bottom of this, while looking into criminal liabilities.
Nov 16: Here comes the class action. Defendants are suing FTX’s Bankman-Fried for misleading information. But the walls are now closing in on celebrities who appeared in FTX commercials, including Tom Brady, Gisele Bundchen, Stephen Curry, Larry David, and Shaquille O’Neal.
"FTX’s fraudulent scheme was designed to take advantage of unsophisticated investors from across the country, who utilize mobile apps to make their investments," the lawsuit alleges. "As a result, American consumers collectively sustained over $11 billion dollars in damages.”
There you have it. But don’t hold your breath — there’s more to come, I’m sure. In fact, the documentary is already in the works
And if you still don’t follow, here are some TikToks tracking the drama:
SBF bears a striking resemblance to Bernard Madoff. #money #crypto #ftx #finance #sbf #news #binance #alameda #bitcoin #ethereum #ftt #coin #cryptocurrency
Every time payday rolls around, I’m on top of the world. Jeff Bezos-level rich - even though I’m anything but. And then somehow the very next day, rent is due.
The cycle continues. The next payday, bills for my apartment. I find myself without a surplus of savings since I just moved and newly-furnished my apartment completely.
Even more terrifying is the looming presence of the holiday season. Halloween’s officially over and before we know it, hello Thanksgiving…and then there’s Hanukkah, Christmas, New Year’s. It’s insane.
I’ve been feeling very British lately. Not in a Union-Jack-obsessed, “Keep Calm and Carry-On” way. I went through that phase in 2012 with everyone else… no thank you. And it’s not even a surge of patriotism catalyzed by the Queen dying — I’m firmly team Diana and team Meghan.
Now that fall is officially here, the holidays will sweep in and I’ll have to contend with the fact that I won’t be spending them with my family in the UK. I went home to London earlier this year, so there’s not much left in my travel budget for another trip across the pond. A few domestic jaunts might be in my future, but the closest I’ll get to England this winter is watching Love Island and Love, Actually.
So in that spirit, I’ve been filling my days with content from my favorite Brits. I’m listening to all the old British rock bands I grew up listening to, patiently awaiting the new Arctic Monkeys album, and rewatching anything with Michaela Coel in it. I even shipped myself an order of British Baked Beans, so you know it’s dire.
I’ve also been watching British YouTubers like Grace Beverley — my favorite. Generally, I only go on YouTube to watch Vogue Beauty Secrets and AD Open Door videos. But I’m so glad I stumbled on Grace. Her content is a mix of London lifestyle (what lured me in), relatable entrepreneurship, and mindful productivity. I’m not a hustle-and-grind-girlboss, but as a creative person in a 9-to-5, I need all the help I can get to stay plugged in. So, the video “how to be really really really productive without getting overwhelmed” changed my approach to WFH.
Grace outlines her own productivity method: the to-do table. Instead of making a simple to-do list, she divides her tasks into a table that anyone can follow. As someone who’s survived with to-do lists for years, I recently implemented Grace’s method, and it’s revolutionized my workdays.
how to be really really really productive without getting overwhelmed www.youtube.com
I follow her routine to a tee. Here’s how it works:
Essentially, she divides her daily responsibilities into four categories: quick ticks, tasks, projects, and non-negotiables.
- Quick Ticks: Actions that take less than 5-minutes
- Tasks: To-do’s that take up to 30-minutes. Probably don’t take too much brain energy.
- Projects: Long-term list items. These help guide your priorities, even if you’re not crossing them off in one day.
- Non-negotiables: Pick 3 things each day that you must get done. This is how you’ll truly measure success.
With everything written down and sorted, next address your schedule. Meetings, deadlines, and time blocks — whatever works best for you. Write it down. Then make a pact with yourself to stick to them.
This way of categorization provides a roadmap for prioritizing your day — making you far more productive. Have you ever spent the entire day on small tasks and then suddenly realized you hadn’t moved the needle on any task? Or do you spend way too much time on tasks that aren’t a priority? No more. With your non-negotiables laid out, you know what to laser-focus on and what to dedicate energy towards.
Also, it pays to know your working style. I’m not a morning person. Yet, I have to be up and at ‘em super early. So, first thing in the morning, I march through my Quick Ticks to warm me up. I set a time limit, so I can knock out some easy wins which is totally inspiring. Then I move on to bigger things without lingering on emails or admin. For others, it might be more helpful to tackle the big things with all that early-in-the-day brain power earlier.
Grace has great tips on avoiding overwhelm and burnout. My favorite is taking more intentional breaks rather than scrolling through social media. I call this scrolling “productive” because I’m “coming up with pitches.” Oh, the lies we tell ourselves. It’s more productive in the long run to giving my brain a break with non-screen related stimuli.
Grace’s solution? Set a timer to read a real, an actual book. I’ve never thought of this. It’s a genius way to check off some books on my TBR and kickstart my creativity. After reading a good book, I’m completely inspired to write. So having books near my desk helps me step away from the computer during my lunch break for an actual reset. (And yes, the current books I’m reading are by British authors: Assembly by Natasha Brown, and Love in Color: Mythical Tales from Around the World, Retold by Bolu Babalolu.)
In my pursuit of switching out my WFH set-up and getting my life together, I’ve engineered my workstation for success. With my new WFH essentials and Grace’s productivity technique, I’m revitalized for work — despite the fall blues and my melancholy about the pending holidays.
Here are the things getting me hyped for work and helping me crush my Grace Beverley-inspired to-do tables — no lists in sight: