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TL;DR: One of the biggest money red flags in dating? When your partner simply won’t talk about money. According to financial therapist Erika Wasserman, that’s the #1 issue to nail down if you want to know whether your potential future partner and your financial IQs are compatible.
Why “Not Talking Money” Is More Than Awkward
Talking about money might seem like throwing cold water on a hot romance, but hesitancy or outright refusal to talk about moolah matters can signal something deeper: secrecy, shame, avoidance — and yes, potential trouble. According to Wasserman, a refusal to discuss finances is the biggest financial compatibility red flag in dating.
More research confirms it: over half of Brits admit they’ve ignored financial red flags in relationships, with unwillingness to discuss money being the most common.
When someone avoids the topic of money, it could mean:
● They’re hiding debt, spending, or future plans
● They’ve never had to think about money in a mature way
● They don’t see finances as a shared life-topic (which might point to mismatched expectations)
Other Red Flags That Might Make Your Wanna Hit Pause
Talking about money is one thing; spotting behaviors tied to money is another. Here are other red flags that experts spot:
● Secretive spending or debt: Hidden credit cards, extra bank accounts, or major purchases you only find out about later.
● Always borrowing from friends/family, or living beyond means: Occasional help is fine; constant dependency is a signal of a weak financial foundation.
● No savings, or zero planning for “what if”: If there’s no budget, no backup plan, and spending is impulsive, the long-term picture is shaky.
● Budget-busting lifestyle or living for the moment: Fun is fab, but if it’s unchecked and you can’t have a conversation about what happens when times get tight.
Dating Isn’t Personal Finance Class
No one expects you to bust out a calculator and Excel sheet over that cozy dinner at that trendy Italian eatery. Experts say you don’t have to know to the last penny how much someone earns or exactly how much they owe. Instead, focus on picking up clues being offered.
● Does your Sweetie get sour when the subject of money comes up?
● Does that smooth-talking person get uneasy when talking about debt/spending/saving?
● Do they seem uncomfortable sharing small financial facts when you just want to test the waters?
According to dating coach Matthew Hussey, savings and debt aren’t the issue. Honesty, openness, and the ability to talk freely are.
So, What’s A Smart Next Move?
A couple of easy-to-take ideas:
- Start a casual money-moment. Maybe mention something you’re saving for — vacation, a fun night — and ask what they’re planning. See how the conversation goes.
- Keep it conversational, not confrontational. “Hey, I’ve been thinking about how I spend vs save — how do you think about it?” is way better than “How much money do you make?”
- Pay attention to how they react — not just what they say. Nervous laughs, topic-changes, vague answers — that can tell you as much as actual words.
- If you’re feeling uneasy about money habits or transparency, it’s worth noting what you need financially in a partner. It doesn’t have to be a perfect alignment; shared values and trust go a long way.
Further Thoughts
Money matters are an inescapable part of any couple’s life. It must be dealt with — and it’s a lot easier to do that when both parties are on the same page.
