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The Career Regrets That Hold Us Back and How To Conquer Them

Photo by Verne Ho on Unsplash

When it comes to your career, regret can trap you in the past and paralyze you from moving forward.

One survey found that two of the top five most common life regrets were tied to careers—from not pursuing one's passion to working too hard. Another recent poll found that 23 percent of workers regretted switching jobs. While some regrets are linked to significant career decisions, others revolve around smaller moments, like not speaking up in a meeting or not challenging a superior. But when it comes down to it, there are two kinds of regrets: one is based on our actions, and the other on our inaction. And it's the latter that really drags us down.

"Research shows that we regret more in the face of opportunity," writes Forbes' Caroline Beaton, who notes that millennials are particularly prone to career regrets. "Regrets of inaction are more prevalent, last longer and feel worse than action regrets in part because we associate them with greater (missed) opportunity. While regretting a specific action means just one alternative — not doing it — inaction signifies infinite possibility ("I could have done this, or this, or this")."

Here's where things get really sticky: the more we regret, the more likely we are to resort to inaction. It's that fear of regret that "makes us stick with the status quo even if our reasoning or intuition says we shouldn't," writes Eyal Winter, Professor of Behavioral/Industrial Economics at Lancaster University, on TheConversation. "That makes people who are more prone to feel regret less likely to take risks."

That means the fewer risks we take when it comes to our career choices—from using our vacation days to pursuing our dream jobs—the more regrets we're likely accrue. So how do we stop this crazy-making cycle and move forward? The answers involve a little self-examination and some expert advice.

Rationalize Your Mistakes

Everyone make mistakes, it's how we choose to see them that determines whether they'll hold us back or propel us forward in the right direction. "Although it can be tough to hear it in the moment, more times than not, our career 'mistakes' end up being the best things for us," career coach Kristen Zavo tells FlexJobs. "They show us what we want—and don't want. They allow us to learn lessons, encounter challenges, and work with people that we might not have otherwise."

But how do you look at your own mistakes without kicking yourself? The best approach to examining past mistakes is through kindness and understanding. Beaton suggests rationalizing why you made the choice you did at the time—taking into account that you didn't have the hindsight you have now. Maybe you took a job you regret because you needed the money, or perhaps you felt stuck in other aspects of your life and needed a change. "Rationalization doesn't mean shirking responsibility or refusing to learn from your mistakes," explains Beaton. "It means closure." Once you forgive yourself, you can start seeing what influenced you in the past that you may want to avoid in the future. Moreover, you can be grateful that those old mistakes are now guiding you in a new direction.

Ask Yourself Two Key Questions

Another way to diminish your career regrets is through a simple system of self-examination. After researching the science behind regret, Eric Barker of TheWeek came upon two questions that can make all the difference: "What can I learn from this?" and "How could things have been worse?" The first question doesn't just allow you learn from your mistake, it gives you a sense of control so that the next time you're faced with a similar decision, you'll know how best to handle it. The second question reframes the thing you regret. Maybe you actually dodged a bullet or maybe what you thought was a mistake was actually a defensive move that deserve some credit.

Define Your Goals

Just because you've made peace with your past, that doesn't guarantee satisfaction with your current job situation. If you've been harping on career regrets, chances are it's because you're unhappy with where you're at and don't know how to change it. It's time to stop looking back and instead start examining the present and the future.

"To be more satisfied in their careers now, I encourage clients to focus on both (a) the short-term: what can they do now both at, and outside of, work to be happier and (b) long-term: getting clear on their career vision, building a plan, and taking steps each day, each week, to make it a reality," Zavo tells Flexjobs.

One way to sharpen your focus for your future is to define it in real terms—whether that means writing down your goals, identifying a person whose career you admire, or creating a mood board of what your dream career looks like.

"You can't revisit the past, but you can turn your attention to something you want," writes PsychologyToday's Beverly Flaxington. "So this career isn't the best one; how do you paint a picture of something you do want? Paint a picture in as much detail as you can about where you'd like to head. This will start turning your attention away from the rear-view mirror and to the windshield looking forward."

It's time to stop beating yourself up over your past. We all make mistakes. The less we dwell on them and the more we learn from them, the better our future careers will be.

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Misused Words and Phrases That Make You Sound Unprofessional

There are few worse feelings than realizing you've been pronouncing a word wrong or misusing a phrase since before you can remember.

All you're left with are questions: how many people noticed and didn't say anything? Is my incorrect pronunciation of quinoa why the cashier at SweetGreen always smirks at me? Has the emphasis I was incorrectly putting on the "I" sound in cumin negatively affected my love life?

It's even worse when the linguistic faux pas happens at work. How can you be taken seriously in a professional environment if you're putting, "for all intensive purposes" in emails? How do you sleep at night knowing that your boss heard you pronounce both the L's in tortilla? To avoid more instances of this kind of inner turmoil, we've compiled a list of some of the most common language mistakes that make you sound unprofessional.

"Precede" and "Proceed"

This is a common mix up because when said out loud; these two words are difficult to distinguish from one another. If you're sending an email telling someone you'd like to go forward with the deal; you'd like to "proceed." If you are going to speak before someone in a meeting, you will "precede" them.

"One in the same" and "One and the same"

The phrase you're probably trying to use is "one and the same," as in when you and your coworker realize you've both been corresponding with the same client, and that client is "one and the same." "One in the same" isn't really a sensical phrase.

"Irregardless" and "Regardless"

All you need to remember to avoid this classic and cringey mistake is that irregardless is simply never an option. YES I KNOW it's in the dictionary, but so is YOLO. Don't listen to the dictionary.

"For all intensive purposes" vs. "For all intents and purposes"

Your purposes are likely not intense, and really what you're referring to is the intention and the purpose with which you're going forward.

"Tongue in cheek" vs. "Tongue and cheek"

Have you ever looked over at a friend during a funny situation that would be inappropriate to laugh at? You know how you kind of put your tongue in your cheek to keep from laughing? Keep that situation in mind and remember that when you mean something is sarcastic or ironic, you mean tongue in cheek.

"Doing good" vs. "Doing well"

While when you think of how you're doing, you may think of words like "stressed" or "despondent," what you probably say out loud is that you're doing "well." Never good. Well.

Brooke Ivey Johnson is a Brooklyn based writer, playwright, and human woman. To read more of her work visit her blog or follow her twitter @BrookeIJohnson.

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5 things you should probably leave off your resume

entrepreneur.com

We are always being told what to include on our resume, but there are things we ought to leave off as well. More is sometimes just more - not necessarily useful, and some items can be exhibited more clearly and concisely, as well as projected more professionally.

As per The Balance, "Recruiters can take as little as thirty seconds to conduct an initial review of your resume. You should avoid cluttering your document with unnecessary information which might make it harder for the employer to find the most qualifying elements of your background."

Redo your resume by letting go of fillers and wording that doesn't represent the best version of yourself and your accomplishments. Potential employers will be impressed with you before they even meet you in person!

thriverecruits.com

An Objective

Many resumes start off with an objective, which usually consists of a generalized statement that nearly anyone would agree is sensible, but not specific. "I'm seeking to grow with your company," or "I will use my education and experience to excel at a new position," are not particularly useful or give any indication of how you'll add value to the business.

The Muse suggests an alternative. "Craft an executive summary or 'Who I Am' section that showcases your overarching value proposition and speaks directly to the stuff you know the target audience is going to care the most about. This is your chance to make it clear you're a strong fit."

This summary of qualifications, "encompasses your skills, abilities, professional expertise, and what makes you most suitable for the position," as per The Balance.

"Big" Words

Stick to the facts of what you have done thus far using simple and straightforward language that gets the point across clearly. Now is not the time to show off your broad vocabulary or former spelling bee champ internal word database. All this will do is become a distraction, making your resume harder to read, not to mention, borderline obnoxious.

According to The Muse, "Using non-conversational words doesn't make you look smart; it makes you look like someone who spends too much time in a thesaurus."

Let your background speak for itself. If you need to adorn your experiences with "bells and whistles," perhaps you need to rework how you layout your past responsibilities, so they reflect your work ethic and valuable skills and experience.

Insignificant Jobs

Depending upon how long you have been in the workforce, there may not be a need to list every job you've ever had. If you are applying for a senior-level position, those two months of scooping ice cream the summer after college aren't going to sweeten the deal.

According toU.S. News & World Report, "Short-term jobs raise red flags for hiring managers, who will wonder if you were fired, couldn't do the work, or had trouble getting along with co-workers. Plus, a few months on a job won't typically be useful in showing any real accomplishments or advancement anyway."

The Muse adds, "Unless something you did more than 12-15 years ago is vital for your target audience to know about, you don't need to list the entry-level job or internship you held in 1994. It's totally OK to leave some of the life history off."

Personal Info

While a resume is all about you, it must be related to work experience specifically. This is not your mini-autobiography. Not only can adding non-professional info be "TMI," but it may make your resume super-long and difficult to peruse.

For instance, asInc. suggests, "Don't list hobbies on your resume--save these for interview conversation. And any awards you list should be from community service or previous work." Even more importantly, "Don't include things like date of birth, ethnicity, religious affiliations (unless the job you're going for is somehow related), reasons for leaving your previous job, specific street addresses, or phone numbers of previous employers."

Additionally, "Unless you're applying for a job as a model or actor, photos of yourself have no place on your resume. Since your appearance has nothing to do with your ability to do the job, including a photo comes across as naive and unprofessional," notes U.S. News & World Report. The interviewer will have plenty of time to see your face if you are asked to meet in person.

Silly/Unprofessional Email Address

If you still have that same email account from high school or college made up from a nickname or something silly, stupid, or scandalous, now's the time to get a brand new professional email address. Start things off on the right foot without embarrassment or being passed over altogether.

As Inc. recommends, "[email protected]," may have been fun to use at one point in your life, but in the professional world, it's a miss.

And perhaps an even worse idea is to use an email address from your current place of employment, as noted by The Muse. "Nothing says, 'I job search on company time' quite like using your current work email address on a resume. Unless you own the company, it's poor form to run your job search through your company's email system."

If you still think your resume can use some fine-tuning and refreshing, let TopResume take care of your resume for you. Get a free expert review, career advice, or have them rewrite your resume for you. TopResume guarantees they will get you two times more job interviews within 60 days by signing up with one of theirresume packages.

Revamp that resume and get the job you're seeking. Good luck!

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The Best Career Advice: Don't Follow Your Dreams

Think back to when you were five years old. One of the most common questions you were asked was, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" You were so certain at the time that you were going to be an astronaut, a dancer, or a pro baseball player. There was no doubt in your mind. Fast forward two decades: How's that working out for you? Oh, you work in finance now? Why'd you sell out to corporate America?

Turns out, if everyone ended up doing what they dreamed of doing when they were five, we'd probably have more humans on the moon than on Earth. A 2012 LinkedIn survey of 8,000 professionals found that only 30% of workers worldwide followed their childhood career dreams. In the United States, that number is even smaller: only 25%. But is that such a bad thing?

The "follow your dreams" adage, which is a quintessential element of our free-enterprise American culture, doesn't always work out in all respects. Maybe you dream to work for a nonprofit that specializes in saving an endangered species of bug, get married, have a family, and move to Madagascar. But by the time you're forty, you're a pro-bono lawyer living with your family in Maine. But hey, even though you haven't accomplished every dream, you still accomplished some. That's better than a lot of people.

Why do we stray from our career dreams so easily?

Mostly it comes from a realization that our dream jobs are unrealistic, not lucrative, no longer of interest, or are surrounded by a lot of competition. We've all seen those competitive singing shows, for example. Out of thousands of young hopefuls, only a handful will actually have a successful music career. So if you're not insanely motivated and willing to sacrifice everything, you'll just end up singing backup. But the world needs backup singers!

A certain disenchantment hits us after college, when we realize that the world is just a big game, and it's all about playing your cards right, having natural talent, connections, and luck. But we shouldn't be discouraged. Pursuing our passions as a career seems like a beautiful idea, but there are actually some reasons why it might not be the best choice.

According to career advisor Allison Green of US News, we should scrap the advice to "follow your dreams" as it applies to careers. She's not a cynic, but a realist. She says that the advice to pursue our dream careers often makes us study the wrong field in college, which won't properly prepare us for the field in which we end up working. (Not to generalize here, but acting school does not generally teach students how to wait tables, though many actors start out as such.) If you really want to be an astronaut, what are the odds that you're going to get through the incredibly rigorous stakes it takes to get to NASA? Maybe our eyes were bigger than our textbooks on that one.

The other reason that people shouldn't necessarily funnel their passions into their careers is that they don't realize that when it comes to a paycheck, baking 3,000 loaves of bread every morning might not seem like so much fun. Part of what makes our passions fun is that no one is forcing us to do them, but when our ability to produce a bestselling novel in one year will effect whether we can afford to eat, there's the same chance for stress, frustration, and burnout as we would have in any other job.

But what gets people bummed out about their current "non-dream" jobs is the guilt they feel at having "sold out." They are focused on how their jobs are just jobs, and not fulfilling some greater purpose. This leads to a loss of drive to perform, a general feeling of inadequacy, and ultimately, a greater chance of failure at that job, too.

A job is a privilege

Even if you're not an MLB player, your job is something that will help you put food on the table and provide for your loved ones. You must stay in a job to be able to afford to keep up your passions. What many workers need is an attitude adjustment. Just because your job has nothing to do with your passions doesn't mean that you should abandon your them. If you love to do something, you'll find the means to do it early in the morning or late at night.

The passion that you have for your hobbies can be applied to your job, too, no matter what it may be. You can feel passionate through your attitude and your understanding that life gives you stepping stones, that your dreams can be achieved outside of the realm of career. At the end of the day, you may not be an astronaut, but there are other ways to get to the moon.

For more information about how to launch a successful and fulfilling career, read this.

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