work life balance

3 Types of Toxic Coworkers (and How to Handle Them)

Maybe you love your job on paper, but in reality something is dragging you down. And that something is the person in the cubicle a few feet from your own. Most job descriptions don't account for the amount time we devote to workplace dynamics—whether that means withstanding foul lunch odors emanating from the office microwave or worrying about your boss's overuse of exclamation points in an email. But those are just minor issues compared to the burden a toxic coworker.

You know when one is in your midst—they slow down your progress, put a damper on your positive approach to a project or just make you feel like you need to watch your back 24/7.

It's not about a clash of personalities or a difficult person you can try to overlook. True toxic coworkers can poison the well of productivity and even muscle you out of your position. A study by Harvard Business School researchers recently found that toxic behavior in the workplace caused stress for their coworkers, lessended productivity and prompt "other employees to leave an organization faster and more frequently," according to the HarvardGazette.

So what qualifies as toxic behavior and how do you put a stop to it before it spirals out of control? According to HBS researchers, certain character traits like extreme selfishness, overconfidence, too much risk-taking or an emphatic enforcement of rules, could all be predictors of the kind of coworker you want to avoid. To further break it down, we rounded up the three worst types of toxic coworkers and what to do about them.

The Rumormonger

SignatureMoves:

Gossiping about coworkers, fishing for intel that crosses personal boundaries, spreading unreliable information about the company and its employees.

How To Shut It Down:

Gossiping and spreading rumors is one of the hallmarks of toxic workplace behavior, according to research published in the Harvard Business Review. While often rooted in insecurity and a need for control, these kinds of coworkers are masters of contagion, creating an environment of paranoia that can be paralyzing.

Sara Stanizai, the founder of Prospect Therapy, suggests keeping your personal life personal when confronted with such colleagues. "It might not mean that you're necessarily limiting what you share, but you're proactively thinking about how you want to present yourself to others," Stanizai summarized in her advice to Girlboss. "In this way, you'll safeguard yourself against potential rumors, and possible preconceived notions about your capabilities."

Still, when confronted with a rumormonger looking for a scoop, shutting it down can be awkward. TheMuse's Lea Mcleod, a career coach, has a solution. "Gossip mongers often have little regard for fact," she writes. "So, when I hear something outrageous or questionable, I push for real answers."

She might respond to gossip by saying "Oh, wow, that sounds pretty extreme. Is that a fact? Or did you hear that from someone?." The result? "You'll quickly set the expectation that you won't engage in frivolous chatter that's not based in fact," explains Mcleod. "In turn, gossips will likely steer clear of you because asking for facts takes all the fun out of it for them."

The Downer

Signature Moves: Focusing on the negative aspects of the job, constantly shutting down ideas and creating obstacles at every turn.

How To Shut It Down:

Much like The Rumormonger, The Downer's toxicity can be contagious. You may find yourself lacking motivation or the drive for creative workarounds because all you can think is "What's the point?" This line of thinking can leave you in a job rut that wouldn't otherwise exist, threatening your productivity, communication skills and, ultimately, your employment.

"Don't give in and chime in with your negativity, but rather be friendly and keep conversations light with this person," Jennifer Lee Magas, vice president of Magas Media Consultants, LLC, tells Monster.com. "While you might initially feel obligated to lend an ear, associating yourself too closely with this person can give you a bad reputation at work."

But how do you keep the negativity from seeping into your brain subconsciously? Stanford professor and organizational psychologist Robert Sutton discovered a clever tactic. "There are mind tricks to protect your soul — ways for the situation to be less upsetting to you even though you can't change it," he explains in Stanford Business School's Insights. "My favorite is a guy at Stanford who pretends that he's a doctor who studies 'a-hole-ism.'" The idea is to create a detachment from the toxic behavior, so that you become an observer of a strange environment—a kind of field researcher—who isn't emotionally impacted by the culture you're studying.

The Backstabber

SignatureMoves: Smiling to your face and criticizing you behind your back, encouraging your ideas in private and dismissing them in meetings, generally trying to sabotage you through gaslighting.

How To Shut It Down: Backstabbers are hard to initially spot. They disarm you with kindness, earn your trust and then pounce. Usually, they're just threatened, insecure and hellbent on eliminating the competition. This type of workplace jerk may seem insurmountable but they usually have one weakness: confrontation. They're inherently dishonest, so their fear of being caught in a lie or faced with someone who sees right through them can prompt them to back off ASAP.

With that in mind, workplace advice author Abby Curnow-Chavez suggests having "an honest, candid conversation with the person." You don't need to attack or go on the defense. Instead, try a measured approach. "Focus on the impact the behavior is having on you," Curnow-Chavez writes in HBR. "Ask for feedback on your own behavior as well." This will throw them off guard and force them to examine why they're so threatened by you. If nothing else, you will have made an attempt to right the situation. Keep a record of this. "When you are having ongoing problems with someone, it's important to document what's taking place," career expert Sue Morem tells CBSNews. "Keep a journal/notes of conversations and keep copies of e-mails, voice mails, or any other communication should you need to prove your case in the future."

You don't have to be dragged down by one bad egg. If someone is messing with your workplace culture, your productivity or your sanity, the best thing you can do is steer clear of the toxic spillover.

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You Need a Personal Day—Here's How To Make The Most of It

Photo by Nicole Wolf on Unsplash

You're exhausted, stressed, and overwhelmed. Your workload feels insurmountable, and the more you try to tackle it, the harder it becomes. You haven't spent time with friends, gone to the gym, or eaten anything that wasn't delivered in weeks. You feel out of touch with your life outside of work and that only compounds your anxiety. Your body is telling you that you need a day off, but your mind can't even conceive of it.

Welcome to job burnout—a growing workplace condition that as many as 67% of Americans have experienced, according to a recent Gallup poll. "A lot of burnout really has to do with experiencing chronic stress," Dr. David Ballard, head of the APA's Psychologically Healthy Workplace Program, tells Forbes. "In those situations, the demands being placed on you exceed the resources you have available to deal with the stressors."

If this sounds all too familiar, it's probably time to take action. Maybe quitting your job, or even taking a two-week vacation isn't realistic at the moment. But a personal day to recharge and reset? Sometimes, 24 hours can make a difference.

Sure, you may not have the flu or a broken bone, but that doesn't mean you have to feel guilty for taking a breather. "Many people...don't feel entitled to prioritize their well-being," psychologist Alison Ross tells US News and World Report. "In my view, the short-term gains from giving oneself a break – even if it's one day out of the office – can make a big difference in terms of reestablishing a better sense of well-being."

Call it a sick day if it makes your boss feel better, and tell yourself it's a mental health day if it alleviates any personal guilt. What's most important is that the next 24 hours are stress-free. Once you've set aside the day, it's time to consider the best way to reset and recharge. Barring doing work on your day off, there is no wrong way to spend your personal day. But setting your intention and paying attention to your most pressing needs is crucial. "A mental health day should be designed to give your mind, body, and spirit just what it's craving most—which is different for every person," work-life expert Kathy Caprino tells Shape. With that in mind, here are some options to help you make the most of your day off.

If you want to feel productive without logging on

Clean your fridge, reorganize your closet, Marie Kondo your desk drawers. Find that cluttered or dirty spot in your home you've been meaning to tackle, put on your favorite podcast and go to town. Take your time, enjoy the process and don't spend more than a few hours on it. The idea is to accomplish one small task on your backlogged to-do list that will make your life a little easier when you return to work. Maybe a cleaned-out closet will make you want to get dressed the next morning, or a freshened up desk will inspire new ideas.

If you want to kickstart a healthy habit

When you're in all-work, no-play mode, everything—even crucial self-care habits—get tossed aside. Pretty soon, the idea of taking a yoga class or going for a run seems like a luxury you can't afford. Your day off is a good opportunity to remind yourself how important your physical and mental health is to your overall well-being, not to mention productivity. Take an exercise class, download a meditation app like Headspace, go for a bike ride, and while you're at it, consider how to make time for one of these healthy habits on your workdays. If you've been eating takeout, you might want to treat yourself to some fresh produce and prepare some healthy meals for the next few days. For inspiration, check out some quick (and budget-friendly) recipes here.

If you're missing that connection with people you love

Is there a friend you haven't seen in ages or a family member you just need some quality time with? Burnout can make you feel like your losing yourself, and connecting with loved ones is the best way to remember what matters to you most. Whether exploring a new part of town with a friend, grabbing lunch with your sibling, or just Facetiming with your mom for an hour, catching up with your core folks can reset your priorities and ground you when you're feeling lost.

If you want to plan your next move

So the thought of going back to work in 24 hours makes you sick to your stomach and you know you need to change your job, heck, your career trajectory. Deep breath. You can't figure it all out in one day, BUT you can get yourself on the right track. The first thing to do is look at your finances, figure out how much you need to earn, how much you've saved and whether or not you have enough to live on if you really need to quit your job. Next, start thinking big picture. Ask yourself these larger career questions and write your answers in a journal, read up on some job-shifting advice, and check out this 6-step plan to help you figure out your next move. Don't expect to have all the answers right away, but making room to consider what's possible—financially and professionally—will set you on the right path and help you feel more in control when it's time to go back to work.

If you just want to feel better

If you're feeling physically sick or mentally unable to cope, use this time to set up doctors appointments—whether with specialists, primary care physicians or therapists. If you can see someone on your day off, great, but just getting some appointments on your calendar is a huge step in the right direction when it comes to prioritizing your health over your day-to-day job responsibilities.

If you're simply exhausted and need to shut down

Sleep, my friend. Sleep as long and as hard as you can. And when you wake up, binge watch all the shows, read all the books, take all the baths and wear all the cozy slippers and robes. Stock up on guilt-free relaxation and give your body what it needs. Restorative sleep and relaxation is essential for physical and mental well-being and if you get enough of it, you will be 100% sharper when it's time to get back to work.

No matter how you spend your personal day, don't forget that it's PERSONAL. If you're planning on doing work, that work should be dedicated to your life rather than your immediate superior's needs. While you might not be able to cure burnout or fix all your work problems in 24 hours, hopping off the treadmill for a day gives you a chance to regroup, recharge and gather the strength to make bigger changes down the road.

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Too Many Emails? Here's How To Deal With Them

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In 2005, I opened up a Gmail account and received my first message welcoming me to my new inbox. Today, my account contains 39,000 messages—including the 8,700 I haven't yet opened. To say that it's a source of stress would be an understatement. Between Gmail, work accounts, Slack, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Trello, text messages and yes, the occasional phone-call, it feels like an endless game of whack-a-mole. The minute I respond to one message, another pops up, leaving me with the gnawing sensation that I will never, ever catch up—especially if I want to accomplish anything aside from correspondence. With email, "you have the false sensation of advancing toward a goal, but the moment you look away, the target shifts further into the distance as more messages roll in," Jocelyn K. Glei, author of Unsubscribe: How to Kill Email Anxiety, Avoid Distractions, and Get Real, tells TheMuse.

I may have an exceptionally daunting inbox, but my anxiety about it isn't unique. On average, Americans spend 6.5 hours a day just checking their email—that doesn't include reading or responding to messages. That kind of time suck has taken its toll. With record rates of stress and anxiety among the millennial workforce, the expectation of flexible boundaries and constant communication may be partly to blame. According to one recent Virginia Tech study, managing the barrage of work emails at all hours of the day along with personal responsibilities, "triggers feelings of anxiety and endangers work and personal lives."

It's no wonder we break into cold sweats when we open our email accounts. "A lot of people easily get hundreds of emails a day," occupational therapist Angela Lockwood tells the SydneyMorningHerald. "They get anxious, thinking, 'I don't know how I'm going to cope.'" The result is a very real and uncomfortable anxiety that can be paralyzing. So how do we avoid this feeling without avoiding our email altogether? Here's some expert advice I'll be taking to heart.

Turn Off Your Alerts

The first thing you need to do is turn down the volume on the noise. If you have notifications on your phone that pop up every time you get a new email or social media alert, shut it off. "Email anxiety is very much around that constant intrusion into our day from notifications," suggests Lockwood, author of Switch Off: How to Find Calm In A Noisy World. "So the anxiety doesn't just happen when you open your computer in the morning, it's constant throughout the day." In today's world we're expected to be multitaskers, but it's impossible to complete just one task if we're constantly distracted by reminders of others. It's not like you're going to forget to check your accounts throughout the day, but in order to avoid that panic of inundation, you need the ability to focus on one thing, rather than a million little beeps and buzzes that may not be a priority at the moment.

Batch Your Tasks

"To achieve maximum productivity, we should schedule, prioritize and match the most important tasks that demand the majority of our attention with our periods of high energy levels," suggests TheLadders' Mayo Oshin. "On the flip side, our least important or less demanding tasks should be matched with the lower periods of energy." That means setting aside chunks of time during the day to deal with different types of emails. Oshin suggests checking in three times a day, setting aside 30-60 minutes each, depending on the volume of emails. You should get the most pressing emails out of the way immediately when you have fresh eyes and the most energy, and set aside those less urgent ones for later in the day when you need a break.

Set Your Boundaries

Yes, some emails require immediate responses, but most can wait. (TheMuse has a handy guide for lag time etiquette if you're ever unsure.) The problem is that the quicker you respond to emails, the higher the expectations become.

"Be sure to also think about the psychological messages you're sending along with your emails," suggest the folks at TrackTime24, an app designed to help you manage your tech time more efficiently. "Responding immediately trains people in a negative way and sets expectations that can be tough to maintain. Once you're known as someone who drops everything to reply to an email, delayed responses will begin to rub people the wrong way. But if you never set that expectation, taking your time to reply won't make waves."

Cognitive psychologist and improvement coach Amanda Crowell tested this theory herself, by waiting a day before replying to every email. Turns out the world didn't end, and she was able to discover which emailers required the most urgent responses and which ones were less likely to take offense. She was also able to send a clear message that she wasn't always available to everyone immediately. "We are holding ourselves in this prison of constant connection!" Crowell tells Quartz. "It's all about knowing what you really want, and then taking the small steps to get a little bit closer, and a little bit closer over time … that accumulation results in a different life."

Embrace Your "Inbox Infinity"

A few years ago, before the volume of emails in our collective inboxes grew out of hand, the idea of Inbox Zero—or a cleaned out inbox—seemed somewhat attainable. But the trend has gone in the other direction, and for good reason.

"The compulsion to empty our email inboxes is an addictive habit that makes us feel like we're making progress and getting things done, but in reality, we're wasting precious time that could be spent on our most important tasks," writes Oshin.

To remedy this addiction, TheAtlantic's Taylor Lorenz came up with a new, more realistic approach to the email pile-up: acceptance, or what Lorenz calls Inbox Infinity. "One critical step in the inbox-infinity method is to publicly admit that you have too much email to handle and be up front about not responding," Lorenz writes. "You can start by messaging close contacts and family members, providing them with alternative ways to reach you."

You can also set an auto-reply that alerts emailers about when to realistically expect a response, and how to reach you if the matter is urgent.

"Since putting up my own out-of-office responder on my personal inbox and adopting inbox infinity, I've felt my stress about opening my mailbox decrease," writes Lorenz. "I've also found that setting the expectation that I may never see or reply to an email makes people even more grateful when they do get a response."

The most important thing to remember is that you are the master of your own inbox. We are all weighed down by the pressure to keep up, but if your unread messages are causing you major anxiety, it's time to relax, take a breath, and consider picking up the phone. Sometimes responding to someone the old-fashioned way is the healthiest move for everyone.

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