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Financial Tips for Surviving the Collapse of Civilization

"Mad Max: Fury Road" (2015)

Millennials are constantly being scolded and lectured by baby boomers who think that we don't know anything about finances. According to them, all our economic troubles are our own fault. They say that we don't believe in saving money for the future and that if we would just stick to a budget—cut out coffee shops and bars and stop wasting our paychecks on trendy, over-priced fixed-gear bikes—we could all own our own homes and begin planting some metaphorical seeds for a stable and secure retirement.

What these know-it-alls don't seem to realize is that, while we do believe in the concept of saving, our belief in anything like a "stable and secure" future has been strangled out of us by decades of inaction on climate change and the looming apocalypse it has brought on. None of their advice is even relevant to the meager subsistence that the lucky among us will manage once the world is reduced to a charred husk of human progress. That's not to say that "saving" isn't still important. If you do intend to be one of the survivors, here are some tips that might help you prepare your finances!

Don't Skimp on the Coffee and Alcohol

big coffee

When society collapses, money won't really mean anything. The same way that bitcoin prices could collapse tomorrow and a throw a lot of "millionaires" into poverty, those "dollars" in your bank account don't really mean anything if the government collapses. Your "savings" will have to be in commodities rather than currency.

A lot of people will tell you to put your money in gold and bury your fortune in your backyard, but we both know that you don't have a backyard, or a house, or a shovel. Besides, the value of gold is still pretty arbitrary. It has some very useful functions, but without a society in place to carry out those functions—to turn it into electronics and dental implants—it's mostly just a nice, shiny metal. Keeping some handy is probably a good idea, but the stuff that's going to be really valuable, after the flimsy structure of our civilization finally gives out, is the stuff that people truly need. Namely, drugs.

There will be demand for all kinds of drugs, but caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine will be your best bets. And since high-proof liquor and freeze-dried coffee are both compact and can be kept around more or less indefinitely, you should invest in a good stock to have on hand for the end times. Alcohol can also be used as a disinfectant, and coffee and cigarettes provide the added benefit of suppressing your appetite and keeping you alert when you've eaten the last slice of avocado toast and the wolves are circling.

Rent, Don't Own

rental

When world governments dissolve and the marauding hordes begin to roam the countryside, do you want to be tied down to one location—a house that you poured your savings into and probably doesn't even have an effective moat? Of course not. You want to be able to leave town in a campervan packed full of coffee and liquor at a moment's notice. Owning is for chumps who believe that a real estate market that collapsed because banks were too greedy will somehow survive as climate collapse brings on our collective doom. Along with decreased stress, maintenance, and upfront costs, renting also allows you to hit the fury road and never look back.

Get a Fixed-Gear Bike

fixed-gear bike

Speaking of that campervan, you'd better find a good, sheltered spot to park it, because once global infrastructure gives out under the tremendous weight of man's folly, it's not going to be good for much more than a place to sleep. Gasoline will start going bad pretty soon after the oil refineries shut down. If your engine runs on diesel—and you happen to have a way to store large amounts in a cool, sealed environment with fuel a stabilizer and some sort of biocide—you may be able to keep your vehicle functional for several years, but even then you'll probably want a backup for navigating the decaying roads. Something fast, functional, and easy to repair—like a fixed-gear bicycle!

Plant Some Actual Seeds

planting seeds

We are constantly being told that we need to develop new skills in order to compete in the modern world, but in the hellscape of tomorrow, the skills that matter most won't be coding or graphic design, but sowing, weeding, and pruning. However much you're able to store in freeze-dried rations and canned goods, eventually the food you can grow yourself is going to be among your most valuable assets.

Seed packets are cheap, small, and can last a number of years, but if you don't figure out how to take care of plants now, there won't be much point in opening those packets after society has been razed to ashes. Find a community garden where you can develop your green thumb, or at least have a go at raising some herbs on a windowsill, or a tomato plant on your fire escape. Once you've got the basics down, you can start learning how to convert your waste into safe and efficient humanure—so you won't have to compete for precious fertilizer.

With these simple rules in mind, you can start saving up today for a secure and stable future in the wastelands of our fallen empire.

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How to Renovate Your Rental On the Cheap

via Urban Outfitters

One of the milestones of adulthood used to be owning a home and all the renovation plans that came along with it. But these days, with over 70 percent of millennials choosing to rent over owning home, the markers of adulting have changed. Now, it's all about giving your rental some grown-up upgrades that are landlord-friendly and won't put a major dent in your bank account. Call it investing in yourself, or making your house a home without all the headaches of high-end renovations. Behold: Your idea inspiration.

Paper Your Walls

Home Depot

There was a time when wallpaper cost a fortune and required some serious elbow grease (A.K.A. glue) to apply. And should you have a change of heart, forget that paint job underneath. But things have changed with the advent of peel-and-stick wallpaper. Now you can upgrade any room in your rental without making too much of a financial or emotional commitment. Wayfair, Home Depot and Etsy all sell removable wallpaper in a variety of colors and patterns for as little as $1.25 per square foot. Give your living room an accent wall, paper your staircase or upgrade your bureau in a matter of minutes. You can also find decals and murals that give your walls a hand-painted look. When it's time to move on, peel 'em off and nobody will be the wiser.


Divide Those Rooms

Urban Outfitters

While we wouldn't recommend hiring an architect to redesign your rental without some serious cash and the approval of your landlord, there are some low-budget tricks for dividing up rooms for more privacy. Some simple strategies include recruiting a tall bookcase or employing thick curtains and a suspension rod. (Here's has a ready-made kit for under $100). If you're feeling a little groovier, why not hang some $40 beaded or macrame panels to separate your space while still letting in the sunlight? If you're dead-set on a door, you could splurge on a sliding door kit which will run you around $700 (plus installation if you're not the DIY type), or tackle this Ikea hack which transforms elements of the PAX storage system into a partition wall and sliding door for a completely separate room. In fact, IkeaHackers.com has an archive of room dividing ideas courtesy of the low-cost furniture hub and some creative handy-work.


Upgrade the Bathroom

Etsy

You can spruce up a dated bathroom on a renter's budget with a few small tweaks. Architectural Digest's Amanda Sims suggests swapping out the toilet seat cover for a wooden one (about $16 on Amazon), and painting over weathered grout. If you really want to make a splash, paint or peel-and-stick your way to new walls. "Using paint or temporary wallpaper, cover the walls of your bathroom to work with the old-timey or really basic tile you've already got," explains Sims. "So if the tiles are butter yellow, make sure the walls are crisp white, or a wallpaper with a tinge of yellow that complements them…anything but sickly yellow matching walls." Another trick is to replace the bathroom cabinet with an ornate mirror for an antique look, and to swap out the standard overhead light with a more dramatic sconce, or even a pendant light. (West Elm has some reasonably priced options.)

Modernize That Kitchen

Quadrostyle

You may not be ready to replace your old cabinetry, but a simple paint job will spiff up any yellowing wood. Remodelista's Margot Guralnick suggests going with a semi-gloss, gloss or satin. "The harder the finish the better," she writes. "Matte paint on kitchen cabinets is impractical; I wouldn't even use eggshell finish. You want a surface that's durable and wipeable, so you won't be painting again for at least a few years." Next up, the backsplash. You can purchase faux, stick-on tiles (4 panels for $11.99 from Bed Bath and Beyond) or water-resistant backsplash decals (Quadrostyle has a range of temporary tiles and decals) that will add texture and character to a dated kitchen. If you're looking for an eat-in vibe in a tiny kitchen, install a drop-leaf, wall-mounted desk or table (here's one for around $30) which you can flip open when you're ready to chow down.


Maximize your closet space

Amazon

You may think there is absolutely nothing to be done with your overstuffed closet, but you just haven't discovered the joys of closet organizers. Wayfair has easy-to-install systems starting as low as $50, while Ikea's ALGOT system is customizable to your size and storage needs. "All the parts can be easily combined and adapted to suit your needs, making this system especially attractive if you anticipate space changes happening," writes ApartmentTherapy's Nicole Lund in her roundup of the best closet systems. "It's also incredibly easy to use—the parts just click in and out of the wall brackets, so you can quickly replace or move parts around." If you're simply looking for more space in your narrow closet, look up. Install wall-mounted shelves (Amazon has a two-pack for around $50) above your hanging rod and create a storage area for suitcases and out-of-season clothes.

Use Your Nooks

Container Store

If you have a corner in your home marked by an indented wall or "nook," it's time to creative." The nook can be anything from a workspace to a library or a cozy reading area. But in order to give it that "built-in" look on a budget, it's all about using your measuring tape. The DIY option means customizing your own shelves to create a designated area, with the help of Home Depot or Lowes. The Container Store has a desk nook model that they'll install for you for under $200. Meanwhile, Ikea's BILLY bookcase has inspired a wealth of ideas from home libraries to cozy bench nooks.

Bonus: If you're hurting for extra closet space, DesignSponge has a really creative Ikea hack for your wall nook.


Create an Micro-room

Lowes

How many closests do you really need? Is there one that might be better served as an office? All you need is a small desk, stool and some colorful wallpaper. Better yet, stick in a bar-height table and line it with your favorite booze for a MadMen-esque bar area.

According to the New York Times, transforming the closet into a micro-room has become a trend for city dwellers with small apartments. "I love working from home, but I didn't want to look at my work all the time, so I needed a closet where I could close it," jewelry designer Jane Herro, told the Times, of her closet-office. If you're looking to transform your own closet, Lowes offers a DIY guide. Meanwhile, ApartmentTherapy has a few ideas for converting a walk-in closet into an additional bedroom by adding curtains for a less-claustrophobic feel. Cover the wall with a tapestry, a soothing paint color, or a distinctive wallpaper that separates the sleeping area from the main room, and you've got yourself a new bedroom (or nursery) you'll never want to leave.

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How to Get Out of a Lease Early (Without Losing Your Money or Your Mind)

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

There once was a woman who found the apartment of her dreams. It was the right price, closer to friends and family, and a huge upgrade from the apartment she currently lived in. But there was a catch: Her lease wasn't up for another few months and the thought of breaking it was making her break out in hives.

If you're one of the 100 million Americans who rent, you're probably familiar with signing a lease—but you might not be as familiar with the clauses in the contract you actually agreed to.

Leases vary by state and property, so if you're looking to get out of one, the first thing to do is reexamine your contract. The next step is to consider the consequences of breaking it. Landlords can sue you for missed rent you've agreed to pay, which can mean additional legal costs, and a dent in your credit score if the outcome isn't in your favor. A landlord-tenant dispute can also make it harder to get approved for a new place when you're ready to move.

But before you completely give up on getting out early, there are a few options worth exploring.

Dig out that lease and check for the following:

  • A subletting clause

Some leases allow for subletters, which means if you can find a suitable person to rent your space from you for the same price—and potentially take over your lease when it expires, you're golden. The next step is to talk to your landlord about what they require and/or need to approve a sublease in order for you to start searching for someone to take over your place.

  • A 30-day notice clause

You may think you have a yearly lease, but if you read the fine print, it might be a month-to-month rental that only requires thirty days notice to move out. If this is the case, contact your landlord in writing with your 30-day notice (you should also check to see if the notice must be accordance with the first or last day of the month).

  • An early termination clause

Sometimes, landlords include a clause that lets you out of your lease early in cases of unexpected hardship. As Moneycrashers notes, this can include anything from losing your job to medical emergencies.

Have a conversation with your landlord:

Feel out your landlord by explaining your situation in soft terms (you're thinking of relocating and you're curious how flexible they are when it comes to an earlier lease expiration date). Ask whether they would be open to it, what kind of advance notice would be optimal for them, or if they'd be willing to consider an "out" if you found a suitable tenant to rent the apartment. They may welcome the chance to rent the apartment out earlier than expected, depending on when you're looking to move out. If they seem amenable, follow up in writing with your proposed dates.

Find a suitable tenant:

If your landlord agrees to let you out of your lease on the condition you find someone to replace you, you still have some work to do. It's time to do some glamour shots of your place, create a landlord approved listing and spread the word on social media. Be sure to include any stipulations your landlord will require—from credit checks to security deposits—so your prospective replacement comes prepared and ready to impress.

Check for breaches of contract:

Maybe you're ready to move because your apartment is unlivable. On your lease, you should find the clause wherein the landlord agrees to provide a "warranty of habitability"—or a safe, habitable environment that doesn't negotiate your well-being. Breaches of such an agreement may range from repeated infestations, mold issues, lack of heat or plumbing problems. You need to have proof that you've previously complained about the issue and that your landlord has been remiss in his or her duty to rectify the situation. Take pictures, make sure your complaints or requests are in writing. You may need to call on this evidence if your landlord does take you to court over your broken lease. For more on your rights as a renter and landlord requirements, check out this detailed breakdown.

If you're still out of luck, make your landlord an offer:

If breaking your lease isn't looking promising, prepare to fork over some cash—but hopefully not as much as you think. Depending on your relationship with your landlord, you still might have a shot at negotiating a deal. You could offer your security deposit or a set sum that benefits your landlord and gets you out of paying rent for the next several months on a place you're not prepared to live in. You could also see if your landlord is open to a long-term payment plan that would allow you to cover the lost rent in smaller deposits.

Ultimately, when it comes to breaking a lease, you have to weigh your options and how much you're willing to risk and spend. As for the woman who found her dream home (ahem, this writer), she ended up making a deal with her landlord and forfeiting her security deposit plus a month's rent in order to resolve her old lease. It was a financial hit in the short-term but now that she's settled into her new place she has zero regrets.

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